The Siberian American: The Hardest Post I’ve Ever Written: One Year Later

Friday, May 5, 2017

The Hardest Post I’ve Ever Written: One Year Later

Hey, friends. I really thought I would be back to blogging on Monday with a moving update, but this move took a lot of me. I sat down to write on Sunday and just didn’t have the energy. Plus, the constant weather changes are giving me intense migraines, so I was forced to take it easy this week. Hopefully, I will be back on Wednesday with a moving update (Monday is book day) because I do want to share how everything went, but today I had a different post I wanted to share.


About a year ago today, I wrote the hardest and most vulnerable piece I have ever published on this blog. To put it into perspective, I never even shared on my personal Facebook page about my diagnosis. I’m just a private person, though I must say this situation has really helped me open up in other parts of my life. Honestly, I had always imagined if I was ever faced with a diagnosis like this, I would completely freak out. I struggle with severe anxiety, and the situation was filled with so many unknowns.

What I didn’t expect to feel was peace. I’m not going to lie; there were hard days. Most of them involved Chicago finally having beautiful weather, and me being unable to walk to a restaurant on our block. Still, with all the worst-case scenarios thrown my way, I truly felt that everything would be OK.

I believe we go through trials like these for a reason. Last year was a hard year, but after going through it, I am filled with so much joy and hope for the future. It’s just so much easier to appreciate the little things, like being able to walk to the shops and restaurants near us. I was apprehensive about moving back to Texas, but now I know it’s the best thing that could have happened. I didn’t love being in a situation where I needed constant help, but this year I learned to let go and accept help from my wonderful family and friends when I needed it.

Of course, I don’t want to paint a completely rosy picture of those post-recovery months. I’m dealing with a chronic illness that will likely affect me for the rest of my life. A diagnosis is both a blessing and a curse. It’s nice to know the pain I felt all the years before wasn’t a result of me “being weak” or “low-pain tolerance.” In the very back of my mind, there is always a bit of a fear of developing another endometrioma, but I refuse to let that fear control my life.

I’m forever thankful for the blogging community and your support during those difficult months. I was beyond grateful to receive all your messages as I was waiting for a surgery date and your prayers and encouragements during recovery. Even when blogging gets tough (like it has been lately), I never want to quit because of how much I enjoy connecting with everyone. If you are ever struggling with something, don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I know what it’s like and would love to encourage you the way so many encouraged me.

15 comments:

  1. This is such a sweet way to look back on something that was trying ans scary and frustrating. I'm so glad your outlook now is filled with joy and gratitude and hope! And I'm glad sharing your struggles and illness and journey was a positive and healing experience for you :) I know a lot of us were sending you prayers and good vibes. I'm so glad to have "met" you in this blogging world!

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  2. You really did have a rough year last year, but I firmly believe that God never gives you more than you can handle, and you've definitely proven that over the past year! There's that old phrase that it takes a village, and sometimes it's nice to know that friends and family are close by in case you need their help.

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  3. I cant believe its been a year!!!!
    I love the support & encouragement blog friends can give... & we're all here for you as you continue in this journey!

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  4. Wow I can't believe it's already been a year, and yes a diagnosis is definitely a blessing in and of itself. It's an explanation as to what's wrong, but it still means something is wrong. Sending you all the hugs and prayers sweet friend for continued recovery <3
    Green Fashionista

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  5. Hugs friend. I can't believe that it's been that long. I guess that means I've been reading your blog for about a year. I'm glad that the difficulty has also caused you to see the good and grow to be more vulnerable, and therefore more supported and understood. It's great that you have such a great team of loved ones around you! :) Have a great weekend. XO - Alexandra

    Simply Alexandra: My Favorite Things

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  6. I can't believe it's been a year already! You're such an amazing & strong person!

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  7. How has it already been a year?! Wow. You've come so far in that time, even if it doesn't always feel like it. I can relate to feeling peace (after initial terror and OH DEAR GOD WHAT DID I DO?) when I first blogged about my suicidal thoughts. It was like "ok it's out there, so I can just be myself now and be real about what is going on in my life." It's surprising how therapeutic blogging can be. Sending you lots of good vibes for your continued recovery! xoxo

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  8. I know exactly what you mean about it being a blessing and a curse. After my big surgery, I feel like I'm more empathetic toward others and also feel stronger mentally even if my body is weaker. It's nice to hear that you're doing well with your recovery and still have such a positive outlook even though you've had struggles along the way.

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  9. I'm so glad that move has ultimately been a positive experience for you - despite all the trials of the past year. Hugs and prayers for a continued recovery and hope for what is to come. :)

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  10. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. It not only takes a lot of time for our bodies to recover, but also our minds. Sending a big hug and prayers for continued healing on your journey!

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  11. You are such a strong and amazing person, friend. I admire you so much!

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  12. I'm so glad you have been feeling better, but I know it's going to be an ongoing battle. You have faced this all very bravely and I love that you have shared with us as it happened. Sharing it all out loud can bring out so much support that you never even knew you needed so much.

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  13. I'm glad to see you back. There are things that I've opened up about on my blog that I never have in other places & I take a comfort in that as you do. I'm thinking about you. Stay strong, lady! :)

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  14. So proud of you. I know what it's like to be a private person when it comes to personal things and like you, I've been really grateful for the support I've received in times when I have opened up. I'm so glad that things are better than they were, but I know it hasn't been easy. You are still in my prayers, friend!

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  15. i can't believe it has been a year. i'm so glad you got the support and encouragement you needed through blogging, it really is a fantastic community. i hate that bad things have to happen in order for us to appreciate the small things in life, but it's definitely a positive way to look at bad things :) hoping you're doing well as always girl.

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